Learning to Say No

Here at bloom, we encourage planning and filling your days with fun things to do! Being active, staying involved in projects you love, and helping others are all things that we love but we know trying to do it all can sometimes be too much!

Some of us love to be on the go and can forget to stop and take a break. It’s great to be eager to complete tasks,  fill your days with excitement, and help others, but it’s also okay to stop and relax. To put it simply, it is okay to say no.

If you read our blog post a few weeks ago about planning your best year ever, we talked about this a little bit with tip #1: Be a little selfish. It is so important to keep this in mind: you will not be of help to others if you are not helping yourself. That means sometimes putting yourself first. When your to-do list is piled up with tasks to complete for other people, you must remember that it is okay to be a little bit selfish at times! Sometimes saying no to others is saying yes to yourself. However, this is naturally easier said than done, so we decided to give you some tips on how to set boundaries for yourself because it is so important to learn how to respectfully say no!

1. Identify your reason for over-commitment or why you have trouble saying no.

You have to do some soul-searching before solving this issue for yourself. Is there an underlying problem causing you to act this way? Are you staying busy because you do not want to think about something else? Are you avoiding someone or something? Do you like to feel needed and therefore, are always seeking out how you can assist others? Whatever it may be, identify it and work towards how you can alleviate yourself from that extra stress. Tailor your solution based on your situation.

2. Learn the power of taking time for yourself.

This can be anything that makes you feel more relaxed, whether it’s watching your favorite movie on a Friday night after work, or taking time in the afternoon to meditate. The point of this is that some of us have a hard time accepting that it is not only acceptable, but encouraged to take time for yourself. By reducing your blood pressure and taking time to just “be,” you are creating an environment that is not only beneficial for you, but beneficial for others. Good vibes are contagious!

3. Know your limits.

If you work a nine-to-five job, have three kids, and volunteer at a local charity, you probably don’t have time to also run the PTO fundraiser, make an extravagant dinner for your family, and get another dog for your kids-- because you know you will end up taking care of it regardless. Know what you can and cannot handle. Once you are able to set your limits, you will feel so much better about what you do accomplish, because it will be done with your whole attention and efforts. This is especially important if you are not feeling well -- no offense, but no one wants you around while you’re sick anyway! Have the power to say to yourself: Maybe I can’t do all of this- I need to let go.

4. Prioritize and Make Time For the Important Things

By knowing what is most important, you are saving yourself (and others) valuable time. How you value your time is how you value yourself. Resist the stress of complexity and let go of what you don’t need to do. Your health should always be a top priority. Don’t neglect your body. Get enough sleep. Go out and exercise. Fuel your body with the right nutrients. Then, decide which of your tasks are most important and designate an allotted amount of time for each. If something doesn’t fit your schedule, work out a time for it the next day.

5. Get Rid of Feeling Guilty

Guilt is not something you should feel when you cannot commit to something. You are human, you have limits. Guilt will only make things worse. Remind yourself that someone else may be able to do a better job if they have more capacity. Delegation can be your best friend -- if you have a significant other, a business partner, a team -- whoever it may be, make sure that they know your limits and that the work is distributed equally. If you cannot do something, say no and Let. It. Go. Compromise is important. Sacrifice is important. Giving is important. Selflessness is important.

You know what else is important? You. When you're at your best, your atmosphere, including the people around you, will feel that and react accordingly. It is okay to not be okay! It is okay to be overwhelmed, but the goal is to work towards figuring out how to de-stress for maximum productivity and minimal stress.  If anyone around you is making you feel like you need to keep moving when all you really need to do is pause and just say “no”. This is your life. You have the control.

Wishing you productive and peaceful days ahead, bloom girl!

xoxo,

Avery